Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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