Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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