I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
