i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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