Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
