so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
