Need sex. Gaining weight.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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