I smell stomach acid.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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