Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize