I could make wine with my vomit
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize