I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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