Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
