I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
