Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
