I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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