The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
