I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
