Your mouth is God's brothel.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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