I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
