I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
