I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
