So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My bed smells like the plague
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
