So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
