well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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