You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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