are you still at the devil's house?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Randomize
