she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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