If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
where does the pee come out of this thing
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
This house was built for laser tag.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
