If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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