foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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