woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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