Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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