What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
