He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
