Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
