well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My dick has a subreddit
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
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