you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
