Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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