guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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