Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
