she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
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My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
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Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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