So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
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I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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