Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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