The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
