Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You ate ashes out of my bong
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
