Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
