and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
