did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
