All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
