Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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