we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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