6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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