So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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