just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
