Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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