and next time when you feel me up, do it right
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
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Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
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