Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You are the jesus of drinking
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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