She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
