Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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