we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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