it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
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