My nipple is on Facebook.
I cockslap morals
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
