seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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