Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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