Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I have already put on my inside pants.
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