i think i have herpe
just one?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
