She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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