i just google imaged poop.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
