So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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