I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
