i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
