Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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