im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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