i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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