Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
