I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
