the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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