Nicole vs. Life
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
