She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
