Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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