and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
